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By Crystal Lindell

I can’t pick up my 21-month-old niece anymore.

Every time I give in to temptation and lift her, I hurt my back and have to take 2-3 days of rest to recover, lest I risk throwing out my back again. And that’s even if I’m just quickly lifting her out of the playpen.

It’s heartbreaking, and it’s just one small way that chronic pain makes it so difficult to care for her.

I’m not a mom, but I have loved and cared for many small children over the years, so I know first-hand just how difficult chronic pain makes childcare. Unfortunately, it’s a burden that is not often acknowledged.

The prevailing attitude tends to be that if you love a child, you should be able to push through any physical pain that you might have to care for them.

Even the companies that make things like cribs and high-chairs seem oblivious to the physical toll that caring for young children can take. As one of my friends, who herself has four children, recently told me: “Imagine lifting weights while bending over a railing and standing on your tip toes.”

No physical trainer in the world would suggest such a move. But if you want to get a baby out of a crib, and you’re even slightly below average height, it’s what you’ll have to do.

These days, my mom and I watch my niece 3-4 days a week because her parents are on overnight work schedules.

Over the last few weeks I had to stop picking her up at all. It’s not just sad because it’s the end of an era, but it’s also logistically difficult to deal with.

Anytime I need her lifted, I have to call for help and put that task on someone else. And toddlers actually need to be lifted all the time! It basically makes it impossible to watch her by myself for long periods.  

It’s just one of the ways having chronic pain impacts my ability to care for her.

Young children are, understandably, very needy. They need breakfast regardless of whether or not you’re dealing with a pain flare. They don’t care if you’re not getting enough sleep. And they want to play outside even if you’re feeling miserable.

Beyond the day-to-day, there’s also the wear and tear that caring for children does to your body. I’m pretty sure that lifting her up so often over the past few months is partly why I reached a place where my back could no longer handle it. 

Even caregivers who are healthy are likely damaging their joints by constantly picking up and holding a toddler.  

Thankfully, I live with other family members who are able to care for my niece when my body won’t allow it. But there are countless single caregivers out there who don’t have another adult around to help out when their body rebels.

It’s why community support is so important when it comes to raising children. My biggest piece of advice to all new parents is, if at all possible, to live within walking distance of someone you trust enough to watch your child.  

The physical toll of caregiving is one of the many reasons pain patients need access to pain medications. They make it possible for us work, do household chores, and help our families.

Some days, a low-dose hydrocodone is the only reason I’m able to physically endure caring for my niece. A lot of people still think people only want opioids so that they can avoid responsibility, but pain patients know the truth: We take them so that we can function.

Sadly though, even opioids can’t give me back the ability to pick up my niece again. My back just won’t allow it. But thankfully, she’s always happy to stand on a chair to give me a great big hug.